12...13?

I really don't want to be writing this right now but I guess if I don't I will forget to later.

Seems there were two tonight.. Well, if I'm basing around face droop moments. I'll have to check my Evernote to see when it all started. Oh yes, well aside from the leg pain last night it's been odd all day long.. but every day is odd. Never quite right. Tonight has been terrifying though although the first bit wasn't so bad. I think it was about 6:45,pm we'd just finished watching The Chase on TV and I began feeling tight, nervy pains around my head.. like my skin was tightening. Then goose bumps down one side of my body.. I'm so rubbish at describing things.. My head then went really hot (rest of body cold) and felt really, erm, pressured. Then the mouth and tongue drooped/perma-cramped (not painful) to the side. That lasted for a good few hours.. I think until about 8:30pm. Strange thing happened though when I got up and bent down to put something on the floor.. got a huge shock in my shoulder, neck and face which physically made me jump.

I tried to come up here to do some stuff on the PC but the screen just made me feel sick so printed photos for a little bit until 10:50pm'ish when I noticed my knee was feeling hot again..like someone had sprayed deep heat on it. I looked and it was a little red over the knee and just above, my heart was also hammering at the time.. but usually is now so I guess that doesn't matter. Went back to the living room to sit down then my chest went all funny and it was horrible.. utterly horrible. I'm more scared tonight than I've been the entire time. I know that's stupid and won't help things but I can't help it. I'm trying to stay calm and just think I need to be brave. It's like these big waves of a horrible feeling coming over my body and feels for a moment like someones taken all the air out of you and you can't breathe.. then a big gasp in for air. It happened again, and again with pain in my back and I'm really sure there is some feeling of something moving across or up the back of my throat because when I feel it, it's uncomfortable and I loose my voice. My chest is kinda..rumbling. Feels like the left side of my rib has lots of little bubbles in it that kinda, vibrate. There was some sharp pain under where my left shoulder-blade is on my back too for some moments. This night is the worst it has been in terms of the trouble with breathing and that moment of utter dread when you feel you can't breathe or ..well I don't know. It was a 'crap I'm gonna die' moment. My face drooped again at 1.40am so I was hoping that was the end of it but sadly the leg has gone reddish pink again and the pain above the knee comes and goes. I'm so so so tired, my chest feels like rubbish and I have a manky taste in my mouth.

What can I do...? I can't go to my A&E in Dartford. I did specifically ask them the last time I was there and the two Drs at D** told me to contact my GP as they've done what they could. I did speak to a GP today and she was really helpful, sympathetic and..dare I say it.. interested? Maybe thats not the right word but she listened and tried to at least think of what could be causing this, which was a relief. Luckily she seemed to think the discharge letters from D** weren't making sense and clearly they haven't made the effort to find out what is causing all of this.

I still can't believe D** has left me in this state with no results of vascular screen, no follow up echo (which we've done privately now anyway), no blood pressure testing as they specified in the medical notes and no opthomology appointment. Thank god for my parents having private health cover else I think the journey would be a lot bleaker.

Fingers crossed. I've never ever looked forward to the daytime hours more. Least things seem calmer then.