On a plus note, I phoned the pharmacy and they stock the right brand of medicine I need so the hassle has been lessened :).
Whine whine whine. At least I've caught up on postings, hooray!
Tuesday, 17 February 2015
Compression Help
Today is blurgh day. When I try to stand up I feel weak, dizzy and shakey. My left leg is really hurting in pulses from hip to foot. I thought it would be good to try the compression stockings as they have made a difference in the past. All that's happened so far is that the pain in the leg has increased, mobility has increased a fraction but the tightness somewhere at the back of my mouth/throat has increased and my voice is starting to get strangled, so it might be on its way out again. I think maybe the compression stockings have worsened stuff this time :(. I'll update the post should the removal make a difference.
London Lupus Visit
Prior to all of this (the post below) happening there was the aforementioned facial rash and a general increase of attacks, joint pain, fatigue, insomnia, low mood etc etc. So with all this in mind I wrote to my specialist who then had his secretary call me back to say my appointment was next week. I hadn't realised this so I felt like a bit of a pleb but I did have three letters from the clinic with different dates on them all marked as 'sent' on the same day. I couldn't get through to them on the phone so just assumed my appointment wasn't until March.
Anyway, what I hadn't noticed was that the clinic had moved location to a totally different hospital and that I had to go to London Bridge now. Unfortunately there is major works all over that station and the normal trains aren't stopping there. The website said that I could go from my local down station and get the Canon Street train so I planned it that way and all seemed fine.
The London trips are always traumatic, painful and tiring. In other words, scary! Due to my insomnia at that point I just gave up on getting any sleep that night and started the journey. When I got to the station the ticket officer told me there were no trains to Canon Street and I had to get off at this station I'd never even heard of. I checked with another guard and he said change at Lewisham and the announcement said change at Dartford. So I had no idea where to change. The lady in front of me on the train was going to a hospital so I had an idea to follow her.. unfortunately they weren't going to the same hospital - and- got off at Dartford. Argh. When we got to Hither Green I just thought screw it, I'll get off here as time was really running out to get there on time. Thank goodness I did. The next train was a Canon St one and I got there just in time. Journey stress! It didn't help that it was freezing cold and drizzly. I only had to wait about an hour to see my specialist and he was lovely. I got to see him with no students this time which was a lot more comfortable. He was kind as always and gave me a few hugs. We talked over the rash, hair loss and some other matters including the -really- low mood. He said that if I wanted to try anti-depressants or sleeping tablets he would help me but it has to be my choice. He's also given me new medication that people with SLE/APS take - Planquenil (Hydroxychloroquine). Apparently it takes 8-12 weeks to start working so fingers crossed. I really, really hope that it helps with the day to day stuff, maybe even the 'bigger' stuff. He noted down the attack from Christmas day and the hemiplegic migraine but when he wrote the letter he completely missed any mention of the attack on Christmas day.. Ah well, I can't complain. The rest of the letter was good.
By the time I'd gone to the pharmacy and got my lunch I was shattered and the journey home was horrible, damp and cold. I managed it and that's what counts. Obviously that much exertion resulted in an attack the following day it seems (second half of post below).
That's done for another 6 months and at least the next trip will be during the summer when it will be warm.. hopefully!
Anyway, what I hadn't noticed was that the clinic had moved location to a totally different hospital and that I had to go to London Bridge now. Unfortunately there is major works all over that station and the normal trains aren't stopping there. The website said that I could go from my local down station and get the Canon Street train so I planned it that way and all seemed fine.
The London trips are always traumatic, painful and tiring. In other words, scary! Due to my insomnia at that point I just gave up on getting any sleep that night and started the journey. When I got to the station the ticket officer told me there were no trains to Canon Street and I had to get off at this station I'd never even heard of. I checked with another guard and he said change at Lewisham and the announcement said change at Dartford. So I had no idea where to change. The lady in front of me on the train was going to a hospital so I had an idea to follow her.. unfortunately they weren't going to the same hospital - and- got off at Dartford. Argh. When we got to Hither Green I just thought screw it, I'll get off here as time was really running out to get there on time. Thank goodness I did. The next train was a Canon St one and I got there just in time. Journey stress! It didn't help that it was freezing cold and drizzly. I only had to wait about an hour to see my specialist and he was lovely. I got to see him with no students this time which was a lot more comfortable. He was kind as always and gave me a few hugs. We talked over the rash, hair loss and some other matters including the -really- low mood. He said that if I wanted to try anti-depressants or sleeping tablets he would help me but it has to be my choice. He's also given me new medication that people with SLE/APS take - Planquenil (Hydroxychloroquine). Apparently it takes 8-12 weeks to start working so fingers crossed. I really, really hope that it helps with the day to day stuff, maybe even the 'bigger' stuff. He noted down the attack from Christmas day and the hemiplegic migraine but when he wrote the letter he completely missed any mention of the attack on Christmas day.. Ah well, I can't complain. The rest of the letter was good.
By the time I'd gone to the pharmacy and got my lunch I was shattered and the journey home was horrible, damp and cold. I managed it and that's what counts. Obviously that much exertion resulted in an attack the following day it seems (second half of post below).
That's done for another 6 months and at least the next trip will be during the summer when it will be warm.. hopefully!
It all looks 'normal' until..
So where to start?
Without my parents I'd be quite literally fucked.
I'm just so pissed off, why? Because I can't even make it downstairs right now. I'm nearly 30, no house, no job, no partner. And I have these stupid fucking illnesses that NOTHING seems to explain and nothing seems to fix. In my current state my parents are doing everything for me and I can only just about make it to the bathroom by myself. In a few days I could be back to 'normal' or as normal as it gets for me.
Just before I left to go and get food on Saturday night I had some very strange tingly chest pains. On my way back they started to get worse, however a car nearly plowing into me on my side of the road caused a big adrenaline boost and I got back in one piece. Though the door with piles of food bags in my arm, I came across my step mum in the kitchen and told her to take the food quickly as I was going down. I knew just a split second before.. I'm not sure how but I knew it was about to collapse. It wasn't like it has been before with the other significant symptoms. This one was just *plonk* and I was down. I grappled at the kitchen counters for a bit to slow my fall but I couldn't hold on for long as I'm not the strongest of people. No one here can lift me so it was just a case of gradually pulling myself up onto a chair with people helping and then trying to use the crutches. However this time the led legs were too much and the wheely desk chair was called upon.
Ended up in a chair in the living room with my now luke-warm McDonalds (how I wish I had some right now!) which was tricky to eat as only half my mouth, one hand, and one eye was working. The mouth was drooped over, the eye lid had closed over and the rest of me was like a dead weight. A friend text to ask how my evening was doing so I thought fuck it, I'll be all modern and send a selfie. Maaay have freaked him out a little. I was in total attack mode for something like 2 hours, wearing off during the third.
So then it was time to tackle the stairs. I have -never- had such a problem with them but it was bloody difficult and took god knows how long. By the end of it I was shattered and the pain in my spine and left hip was something..special.
Is this due to the Cerazette in the same way that the Depo injection reacted? Some kind of migraine? Functional Neurological Disorder? APS/mini-stroke? Vascular spasm/Raynauds or something else? Who the eff knows! Going to hospital each time I have an attack is just pointless - standard MRI of the brain then 'oh its functional, get out'. That's not really going to solve anything.
So now I'm upstairs and not really able to get down. In my head I'm sure that I could make it down but the trip up again wouldn't be wise. Dad and my step mum are bringing up food and I just sit here in my PC chair all day really until its bedtime. If I try to walk my left leg/hip kinda gives out from under me and both legs feel as though they have led tied to them, so as I just stagger and nearly drop (plenty of ledges to cling on to. When I use the crutches the left leg tends to just drag behind in a silly manner.
I have this horrible pain right up my spine, and in my hip and weird travelling 'vein cramp pains' - I have no idea if that's what they are but it's the best way to describe it. What's more odd are the chest pains. They are fairly constant and like an electric stabbing.
Things might be ok tomorrow, or they might still be like this. As if I wasn't miserable before, now its just.. urgh. Tedious and frustrating.
A while into the Depo injection this happened, and now similar with the Cerazette (endo prevention option). I don't know whether or not to stop the tablets. They might be the cause somehow OR they may have nothing to do with it. I don't want to go onto Zoladex :(.
Another attack occured when I was away from home and it was mortifying. I was at my sisters house, laying on my side on my neices bed playing Hello Kitty with her (she's 4). My nephew (11) was sitting just across the room. I suddenly felt like.. I was viewing myself from inside my eyes, totally zoned out, but not, if that makes sense. I couldn't really understand what was going on and as I saw my neice talking at me I couldn't form a reply. I realised I coudn't speak or make the mouth muscles work, and that the rest of my body wasn't responding either. My sister ushered the kids out of the room and dragged me further up the bed into a more comfy position. My face then dropped on the one side and I tried to talk to her but at that point all that came out was a slurred mess, which I guess is better than nothing. It was horrible, I never ever wanted that to happen in front of the kids and it really saddens me that it did. Later on my brother in law came up and carried me downstairs and plonked me on the sofa. Sister had told the kiddies that I had a toothache and was fine. My gorgeous little niece was so sweet and gave me stickers for being poorly. The spaghetti was lovely but kind tricky to eat when only half your mouth is working. Over time the symptoms improved. It came with no warning though this time, however I had been to London on no sleep the previous day and was absolutely shattered so it was inevitable. Seems that this time it was only a mild attack though. The next day they drove me home and I went back later the following week to stay and then drive my car back.
I think the hardest thing about all this is that I don't properly understand what the hell is going on so how can I accept it? I can't see how this is going to get better or how I'll be able to get my independence back that I had when I was 23. I can't work out what to do with myself. I keep reminding myself there is hope but it's kinda starting to fade. Then I think of all these people who would think me pathetic for whining about this. Yes I know I could have cancer or something terminal but.. Things have been shitty since I was 14 years old, I'm tired of this shite, the pain and the immobility! Someone jokingly said 'oh yea, benefit fraud soph' and.. I know they were joking but it still kinda hurt. They have absolutely no conception of what it's been like or how my the illness is. Yep, I know I look 'fine' some of the time.. and many times I look like the picture above. I don't go out or visit people when I'm busted so obviously they only see the 'normal' face. I can't help but be paranoid with how people judge me as I'm in the situation I described above and it makes you very insecure.
That's enough for now, will make an update on the lupus clinic visit a little later.
Without my parents I'd be quite literally fucked.
I'm just so pissed off, why? Because I can't even make it downstairs right now. I'm nearly 30, no house, no job, no partner. And I have these stupid fucking illnesses that NOTHING seems to explain and nothing seems to fix. In my current state my parents are doing everything for me and I can only just about make it to the bathroom by myself. In a few days I could be back to 'normal' or as normal as it gets for me.
Just before I left to go and get food on Saturday night I had some very strange tingly chest pains. On my way back they started to get worse, however a car nearly plowing into me on my side of the road caused a big adrenaline boost and I got back in one piece. Though the door with piles of food bags in my arm, I came across my step mum in the kitchen and told her to take the food quickly as I was going down. I knew just a split second before.. I'm not sure how but I knew it was about to collapse. It wasn't like it has been before with the other significant symptoms. This one was just *plonk* and I was down. I grappled at the kitchen counters for a bit to slow my fall but I couldn't hold on for long as I'm not the strongest of people. No one here can lift me so it was just a case of gradually pulling myself up onto a chair with people helping and then trying to use the crutches. However this time the led legs were too much and the wheely desk chair was called upon.
Ended up in a chair in the living room with my now luke-warm McDonalds (how I wish I had some right now!) which was tricky to eat as only half my mouth, one hand, and one eye was working. The mouth was drooped over, the eye lid had closed over and the rest of me was like a dead weight. A friend text to ask how my evening was doing so I thought fuck it, I'll be all modern and send a selfie. Maaay have freaked him out a little. I was in total attack mode for something like 2 hours, wearing off during the third.
 |
| 'Normal' face and 'attack' face. Lovely! Don't judge illness just by a profile picture! |
So then it was time to tackle the stairs. I have -never- had such a problem with them but it was bloody difficult and took god knows how long. By the end of it I was shattered and the pain in my spine and left hip was something..special.
Is this due to the Cerazette in the same way that the Depo injection reacted? Some kind of migraine? Functional Neurological Disorder? APS/mini-stroke? Vascular spasm/Raynauds or something else? Who the eff knows! Going to hospital each time I have an attack is just pointless - standard MRI of the brain then 'oh its functional, get out'. That's not really going to solve anything.
So now I'm upstairs and not really able to get down. In my head I'm sure that I could make it down but the trip up again wouldn't be wise. Dad and my step mum are bringing up food and I just sit here in my PC chair all day really until its bedtime. If I try to walk my left leg/hip kinda gives out from under me and both legs feel as though they have led tied to them, so as I just stagger and nearly drop (plenty of ledges to cling on to. When I use the crutches the left leg tends to just drag behind in a silly manner.
I have this horrible pain right up my spine, and in my hip and weird travelling 'vein cramp pains' - I have no idea if that's what they are but it's the best way to describe it. What's more odd are the chest pains. They are fairly constant and like an electric stabbing.
Things might be ok tomorrow, or they might still be like this. As if I wasn't miserable before, now its just.. urgh. Tedious and frustrating.
A while into the Depo injection this happened, and now similar with the Cerazette (endo prevention option). I don't know whether or not to stop the tablets. They might be the cause somehow OR they may have nothing to do with it. I don't want to go onto Zoladex :(.
Another attack
Another attack occured when I was away from home and it was mortifying. I was at my sisters house, laying on my side on my neices bed playing Hello Kitty with her (she's 4). My nephew (11) was sitting just across the room. I suddenly felt like.. I was viewing myself from inside my eyes, totally zoned out, but not, if that makes sense. I couldn't really understand what was going on and as I saw my neice talking at me I couldn't form a reply. I realised I coudn't speak or make the mouth muscles work, and that the rest of my body wasn't responding either. My sister ushered the kids out of the room and dragged me further up the bed into a more comfy position. My face then dropped on the one side and I tried to talk to her but at that point all that came out was a slurred mess, which I guess is better than nothing. It was horrible, I never ever wanted that to happen in front of the kids and it really saddens me that it did. Later on my brother in law came up and carried me downstairs and plonked me on the sofa. Sister had told the kiddies that I had a toothache and was fine. My gorgeous little niece was so sweet and gave me stickers for being poorly. The spaghetti was lovely but kind tricky to eat when only half your mouth is working. Over time the symptoms improved. It came with no warning though this time, however I had been to London on no sleep the previous day and was absolutely shattered so it was inevitable. Seems that this time it was only a mild attack though. The next day they drove me home and I went back later the following week to stay and then drive my car back.
I think the hardest thing about all this is that I don't properly understand what the hell is going on so how can I accept it? I can't see how this is going to get better or how I'll be able to get my independence back that I had when I was 23. I can't work out what to do with myself. I keep reminding myself there is hope but it's kinda starting to fade. Then I think of all these people who would think me pathetic for whining about this. Yes I know I could have cancer or something terminal but.. Things have been shitty since I was 14 years old, I'm tired of this shite, the pain and the immobility! Someone jokingly said 'oh yea, benefit fraud soph' and.. I know they were joking but it still kinda hurt. They have absolutely no conception of what it's been like or how my the illness is. Yep, I know I look 'fine' some of the time.. and many times I look like the picture above. I don't go out or visit people when I'm busted so obviously they only see the 'normal' face. I can't help but be paranoid with how people judge me as I'm in the situation I described above and it makes you very insecure.
That's enough for now, will make an update on the lupus clinic visit a little later.
Tuesday, 20 January 2015
Facial Rash & Lurgy
Every few weeks or so I get these things appear on my face. It's been happening for a while now but it seems to be getting more regular. However, last month I was sitting on the PC minding my own business when I leaned my hand to my face and it was....wet? It seemed there was a patch of open skin just infront of my ear and another patch on the cheek. And then THIS happened...
What a pretty picture I was!At least the healing 'scar' was in the shape of a heart :). To add to this I had a lot more hair loss in the bath than usual. As I don't know what's normal or not it's hard to know if this is strange.
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I've had lots of nice peoples from the Health Unlocked forums offer suggestions, generally relating to Discoid Lupus, however I've emailed the pictures to my consultant to get his opinion. I've no idea when my next clinic appointment is as I have about three letters with the same postal date saying different appointment times. How confusing!
Recently I have been struggling and had another bad attack on Christmas day.
I hadn't taken my Raynauds medication by mistake and come the evening I ended up with pain in the left arm, zoning out, followed later by loss of mobility on the left side then facial droop, the 'usual'. Later the legs weren't working properly (again!) and I couldn't walk. Not the best Christmas evening ever. We had a Boxing Day meal with all the family and I just felt so ashamed and emarassed, once again carting myself about on crutches. On taking some extra Nifedipine the following evening as a test, I regained mobility in the legs, hooray. Coincidence perhaps but in the past it's helped with releasing the constriction in my neck and the voice loss. Vascular confusing? Hrm, who knows.
This week I've been unable to sleep at night due to the horrible 'pressurised' feeling I have all over my body. It's a pulsing, gurgling sensation that makes me feel very unwell - like I'm going to pop. I also have lots of pain in my lower back (right side) for which my GP has given me co-drydramol. Blood pressure was on the lower side of normal and I lowered Raynauds medication just in case it was that but it made no difference.
I'm very weak, extremely tired and often experiencing constant headaches/joint pain and nausea along with some very low moods. And I mean low moods, nothing like anything I've felt before. I spent two hours the other day crying so much my eyes were going to burst. I am more miserable than I've ever been and I look at myself and my shambles of a pathetic existence and..pfft. Well I'll probably be okay in a week or so and be back to 'normal'. The problem is, how can I go to a doctor and talk to them about this. Firstly I'm scared that they'll negate everything else thats going on and pile lables on me that aren't relevant. Secondly that they'll want to add more medication to the mix that will screw with my brain. I don't really understand how to explain that half the time I'm perfectly fine and the other half, desperately miserable. I don't want to be near people, I don't want to leave the house, but at the same time I'm very weak and in so much pain that I couldn't anyway. The point I knew that things were wrong in my head though was when I had to phone Three to cancel my contract. I got so anxious about making the call that I had a bout of IBS. Not good.
Anyway.
Everyone got it. I've not had a cold in like, 2 years? I thought, pfft, I'm immune! The local population has no conception of hygiene, literally none. The people spit on the floor, cough directly in your face and I doubt they bother washing their hands more than once a week. My number was up and it started. Week one was fine, usual cold stuff and a throat infection with weird horrible blisters in the back of my throat. It hurt but I took painkillers and got on with it. Sorry for the grim picture! Normal or not, hmm.. All I know is they were ouchie.
Eventually, I was fine enough to go get a bit of shopping but by the time I got home, my god I felt rubbish! Fever, chills, shaking.. the flu'ish drill. No fun at all. So I was stuck in bed for quite a while. It seemed to last a long time.
I think that's all updated for now!
I've had lots of nice peoples from the Health Unlocked forums offer suggestions, generally relating to Discoid Lupus, however I've emailed the pictures to my consultant to get his opinion. I've no idea when my next clinic appointment is as I have about three letters with the same postal date saying different appointment times. How confusing!
Christmas Attack
Recently I have been struggling and had another bad attack on Christmas day.
I hadn't taken my Raynauds medication by mistake and come the evening I ended up with pain in the left arm, zoning out, followed later by loss of mobility on the left side then facial droop, the 'usual'. Later the legs weren't working properly (again!) and I couldn't walk. Not the best Christmas evening ever. We had a Boxing Day meal with all the family and I just felt so ashamed and emarassed, once again carting myself about on crutches. On taking some extra Nifedipine the following evening as a test, I regained mobility in the legs, hooray. Coincidence perhaps but in the past it's helped with releasing the constriction in my neck and the voice loss. Vascular confusing? Hrm, who knows.
This week I've been unable to sleep at night due to the horrible 'pressurised' feeling I have all over my body. It's a pulsing, gurgling sensation that makes me feel very unwell - like I'm going to pop. I also have lots of pain in my lower back (right side) for which my GP has given me co-drydramol. Blood pressure was on the lower side of normal and I lowered Raynauds medication just in case it was that but it made no difference.
I'm very weak, extremely tired and often experiencing constant headaches/joint pain and nausea along with some very low moods. And I mean low moods, nothing like anything I've felt before. I spent two hours the other day crying so much my eyes were going to burst. I am more miserable than I've ever been and I look at myself and my shambles of a pathetic existence and..pfft. Well I'll probably be okay in a week or so and be back to 'normal'. The problem is, how can I go to a doctor and talk to them about this. Firstly I'm scared that they'll negate everything else thats going on and pile lables on me that aren't relevant. Secondly that they'll want to add more medication to the mix that will screw with my brain. I don't really understand how to explain that half the time I'm perfectly fine and the other half, desperately miserable. I don't want to be near people, I don't want to leave the house, but at the same time I'm very weak and in so much pain that I couldn't anyway. The point I knew that things were wrong in my head though was when I had to phone Three to cancel my contract. I got so anxious about making the call that I had a bout of IBS. Not good.
Anyway.
Lurgy
Everyone got it. I've not had a cold in like, 2 years? I thought, pfft, I'm immune! The local population has no conception of hygiene, literally none. The people spit on the floor, cough directly in your face and I doubt they bother washing their hands more than once a week. My number was up and it started. Week one was fine, usual cold stuff and a throat infection with weird horrible blisters in the back of my throat. It hurt but I took painkillers and got on with it. Sorry for the grim picture! Normal or not, hmm.. All I know is they were ouchie.
Eventually, I was fine enough to go get a bit of shopping but by the time I got home, my god I felt rubbish! Fever, chills, shaking.. the flu'ish drill. No fun at all. So I was stuck in bed for quite a while. It seemed to last a long time.
I think that's all updated for now!
Cerazette: 2 Months On
I'm nearing completion of my second month on Cerazette. Before going on them I read through the leaflet, as you do, checking out the doom and gloom side effects. Had a read of a few forums, some okay, some not so okay. I found a lady's blog who had noted her side affects as she went and I totally intended to do this but.. it didn't happen, so I'm playing catch up!
Keep in mind - first I am using these as a means to stop my period in hope of preventing Endometriosis growth, not for contreception. Also, I have seronegative APS, Raynauds Disease and various other bits so my medications for these may
Week 1 - The headaches! Goodness, they were pretty special and rather constant. Nothing that some paracetamol/neurophen couldn't help. Acceptable comprimise compared with potential impending chemical castration!
Week 1-4 Longest period, eek! Wasn't sure it was going to stop actually. I assume its meant to be..urgh, for want of a better word, draining you. Mild cramps, nothing special.
Week 2-6 - Nausea! Nothing on the scale of norovirus or allergic reaction. I guess you could call it constant motion sickness. It was often there in the background at most times. Unpleasant but not the worst thing in the world. Luckily either I don't notice it anymore or it has passed.
Aside from those two things I don't think I've had anything horrible that can specifically be linked in to the drug. I think I'm one of the lucky ones!
Thursday, 15 January 2015
A Year On
Goodness, I really should update this more often. My only excuse is that when you go through all this madness, it takes a lot of energy to sit here and go through it all again when all you want to do is distract yourself as much as possible.
I wish I could update this with happier news. Me, being me, it's all complicated and silly.
Now my biggest challenge - how to summerise a whole year. I can't really so I will have to skim through a lot. As I sit here though on my latest new medication with my new batch of side effects I feel its important to get things a little more documented.
I can't remember any side effects that stood out at first. No weight gain, illness, moodswings. It was great! Finally, I'd found something awesome that might be the answer to controlling everything and eradicate the possibility that hormonal issues were aggravating/causing some parts of my illnesses.
Then one day they just... worked again. 'Nothing' could explain it. The only thing I could attribute it to was the Depo injection (at that point). I decided not to get another, just in case. *sigh*
It was all getting bloody stupid. Nothing made any sense..
The following months mirrored this but replace the symptoms on the 13th for variants of leg/voice/pain problems. They all fall around the same time each month and follow the lunar cycle closely. Looking at it, the worst starts two weeks before my period, the period happens, then it ends in crampingness and pain, then repeat the following month.
Too many symptoms to mention really and that's not even going near the emotional side of things.
Gosh this sounds like so much moaning. I don't mean it that way.. Just got to get as much down as possible.
Pre-op was horrible and confusing - and very long. They didn't tell me what to expect at all and if I hadn't had accidentally gone back to the nurse's bit after getting the 'bowel prep' I wouldn't have known I had another consultation. I saw an entirely new registrar and she took her own notes. Oh and EEG lady made me strip to the waist - humiliating. Never been made to before (5 prev) and friend that's a nurse says its not needed.
Bowel prep was so awful that I only took half of it. Five hours in the bathroom - the cramping and runs weren't the worst of it although it wasn't pleasant. The vomiting and severe nausea was another matter. Never again! Certainly not 'that' stuff.
Now keep in mind, as directed, I hadn't been able to eat 36 hours prior to the operation so I was beyond hungry. We checked in just before 8am and waited... and waited... and waited. Uncomfortable chairs, awful television. It literally felt like I was waiting to be processed. Not at all like the experience a fellow lap patient experienced (I read her blog and it was an incredibly positive time where she was given a room, told what was going on etc). We were told nothing. Saw the registrar and another doctor and they checked I'd done the bowel prep etc, then sent me back. No more information on timings. A nurse came and got me later and took me to a side room, measured me for the stockings and filled out my paperwork using ANOTHER PATIENTS questionnaire. Had she not left the room and I happen to notice she'd put down that I had had my tonsils out (which I haven't) it wouldn't have been picked up on. Not only is this slightly wrong, it's a breach of patient confidentiality and they're not actually checking the name on the questionnaire matches that of the one having the operation. Oh well. Yet again, no time frame was given.
Also - visitors, not even one, can come further than the waiting room. You're not given an idea when they're meant to leave and you won't see them again until they pick you up. For a nervous patient, this is terrifying. I understand why, but it's not good. I decided to bite the bullet and told my parents to go home, I didn't want them stuck there in those horrible seats as well, I didn't want them to go but it seemed right. So there I was, on my own and there seemed to be a girl near me who looked very unwell. It wasn't until hours later another nurse came by and said I was about to be taken. It seemed both me and the girl had been waiting for the first operation to finish, I was next and she was maybe last. However, the nurse took her aside and told her that there was another patient to go (me) and she became very upset and made a phone call. I don't know what happened to her in the end but for god's sake, surely people can communicate and work by some type of time frames to let patients know what's going on?! I felt so bad for her. I hope I was mistaken.
So, the nurse came to take me down corridors that didn't even have lights on and were empty. She asked me to get changed into the gown and took me further along into yet another waiting room. Cold and empty with no people about. All very sterile (I guess a hospital should be!). One half of the room for females, another side for males.
The team that put me to sleep were really kind and reassuring. Positive point. Next thing I remember is pain from the thing being yanked out of my neck (it really hurt!), then violent shaking and one of the nurses telling me to stop shaking.. I mean.. sure because I can really control that!
The nurse on the ward was very nice. I saw one girl had her boyfriend with her so I wondered why we were told no one was allowed in there with you. All I remember thinking was "I don't care how much it hurts, I'm going home asap!". So you need to eat and pee. Both done I was ready to get going. Luckily my parents called the ward at the right time, no one had called them after the operation at all to let them know things were ok. Parents arrived a little while later but were in the waiting room for ages as there's no one in the waiting area to actually let the nurses know they are there which is utterly ridiculous. Its a nice clean hospital but there are some serious communications issues that really add stress to all the visits I've made there relating to this issue.
Shipped home with no painkillers (all that was on offer was paracetamol).. what a joke! Not like any of my other operations. Certainly will be saving up for private treatment should the need arise in the future. Weird thing is, yes all operations are different, but this one couldn't have lasted more than an hour based on the time I went in and woke up. My previous one was 4-5 hours long and very thorough. Having such extensive stuff done in the past and them finding 'nothing' this time was very.. odd!
I saw no mention that the things (on my theatre letter) of the areas I'd asked to have checked, had been checked. I am yet to write to the consultant to see if he can clarify this problem before the next consultation.
So - not a fun experience at all on that front but we can 'assume' endo isn't the culprit for everything. No easy fix either way! It's well past 3am now and I need to get my head out of sad medical land and distract myself with happier stuff for a while. Will continue on tomorrow (I hope!)
Unless I get distracted for another year.
I wish I could update this with happier news. Me, being me, it's all complicated and silly.
Now my biggest challenge - how to summerise a whole year. I can't really so I will have to skim through a lot. As I sit here though on my latest new medication with my new batch of side effects I feel its important to get things a little more documented.
Mirena Out (Jan 2014)
After much debating with my brain, I decided to get the Mirena Coil taken out. I went to the doctor and the whole procedure was barbaric and horribly painful. Now every doctor I've seen who's had to have a look 'down there' is always really shocked about how much pain I'm in, some can't perform an 'examination' at all because I'm pretty much screaming and my legs go to jelly and shake like mad.. this isn't normal for peoples so don't be put off if you need to get the coil checked. Some people have it taken out under general anaesthetic and, for those like me, I can bloody understand why. It literally felt like she was ripping my womb out of my body. I was proud of myself that I'd got it out FINALLY.. free. I felt so much better for it.Depo In (Feb 2014)
My next port of call was what to replace the coil with. I'd read a lot on the benefits of Depo injection regarding Endometriosis control and so I went for it. My GP asked me if I'd prefer to take a tablet form so if I had troubles with it, I could just stop. I thought I was being brave so I just went for it. Bugger the side effects. Then I saw the needle.. I honestly nearly chickened out it was so long! Then as I was bracing myself for some pain, quite literally in the arse, he said it was done. I literally didn't feel a thing. Now, I inject myself every day and it's a certain amount of pain, but he must have been a very talented injectionist.I can't remember any side effects that stood out at first. No weight gain, illness, moodswings. It was great! Finally, I'd found something awesome that might be the answer to controlling everything and eradicate the possibility that hormonal issues were aggravating/causing some parts of my illnesses.
Legs-no-more. (March 2014)
At the beginning of the second month, one evening, I went to get up and my legs wouldn't.. work. They wouldn't take my weight or move as I wanted them to. They weren't numb or completely paralyzed, but they just didn't work properly. Nothing I could do would help. It was heartbreaking. I had no warning, I didn't feel any more unwell than usual. Then came the irrational tiredness, more so than I'd ever experienced. I almost couldn't breathe trying to get myself to the top of the stairs. I didn't know when or if I would get them back again. I could only sit or, if I had the energy, lug myself about on crutches which were incredibly difficult. No driving and being back to being completely dependent on my parents for pretty much everything.Then one day they just... worked again. 'Nothing' could explain it. The only thing I could attribute it to was the Depo injection (at that point). I decided not to get another, just in case. *sigh*
It was all getting bloody stupid. Nothing made any sense..
Yet Again. (July 2014)
Come mid-July a repeat of the above happened. I couldn't believe it. Around about this time I decided to keep a better 'diary' of when things happen and what happens. I know this sounds a bit OTT but I have a memory of a goldfish now and I don't think it's going to get any better. So on 13th July the legs went followed by the strangled voice. Now with me, there is two very different loss of voices. Dysphonia and Dysarthria. Dysphonia, to me, is more of a constriction, like someone is strangling me and my vocal chords won't work properly due to compression. Dysarthria is when I can think the words perfectly well but when I go to speak the muscles and voice don't connect so I just make stammering noises, it sounds.. awful when/if some sound does come out. In this case, it was the Dysphonia. I know this is vascular related because generally if I tilt my neck in a certain way or put compression on certain veins (I can't do this for long) it allows me to talk perfectly and 'removes' the pressure. Dysarthria I can do nothing about. So. Both Dysphonia and loss of legs on the 13th, which lasted for about 10 days, and the voice only 3 days. They came back to life and then my period followed. 2 days into my period, my voice went back into Dysphonia mode for 4 days, on and off, which was the end of the period. On the final day, I had a horrible bout of IBS and that was that.The following months mirrored this but replace the symptoms on the 13th for variants of leg/voice/pain problems. They all fall around the same time each month and follow the lunar cycle closely. Looking at it, the worst starts two weeks before my period, the period happens, then it ends in crampingness and pain, then repeat the following month.
Too many symptoms to mention really and that's not even going near the emotional side of things.
Gosh this sounds like so much moaning. I don't mean it that way.. Just got to get as much down as possible.
Endo Operation #5 (November 2014)
Anyway, just to be on the safe side I asked the doctor to refer me to the person who is meant to be Kent's leading Endo consultant. Well, when I went to the clinic I saw his registrar who couldn't perform the physical 'investigation' due to how much pain I was in. I was crying, my legs were shaking and I was a mess. He turned up, and he was a very kind and nice man seemingly. He suggested Zoladex but agreed to a lap. He couldn't understand the registrar's notes so he re-wrote them.Pre-op was horrible and confusing - and very long. They didn't tell me what to expect at all and if I hadn't had accidentally gone back to the nurse's bit after getting the 'bowel prep' I wouldn't have known I had another consultation. I saw an entirely new registrar and she took her own notes. Oh and EEG lady made me strip to the waist - humiliating. Never been made to before (5 prev) and friend that's a nurse says its not needed.
Bowel prep was so awful that I only took half of it. Five hours in the bathroom - the cramping and runs weren't the worst of it although it wasn't pleasant. The vomiting and severe nausea was another matter. Never again! Certainly not 'that' stuff.
Now keep in mind, as directed, I hadn't been able to eat 36 hours prior to the operation so I was beyond hungry. We checked in just before 8am and waited... and waited... and waited. Uncomfortable chairs, awful television. It literally felt like I was waiting to be processed. Not at all like the experience a fellow lap patient experienced (I read her blog and it was an incredibly positive time where she was given a room, told what was going on etc). We were told nothing. Saw the registrar and another doctor and they checked I'd done the bowel prep etc, then sent me back. No more information on timings. A nurse came and got me later and took me to a side room, measured me for the stockings and filled out my paperwork using ANOTHER PATIENTS questionnaire. Had she not left the room and I happen to notice she'd put down that I had had my tonsils out (which I haven't) it wouldn't have been picked up on. Not only is this slightly wrong, it's a breach of patient confidentiality and they're not actually checking the name on the questionnaire matches that of the one having the operation. Oh well. Yet again, no time frame was given.
Also - visitors, not even one, can come further than the waiting room. You're not given an idea when they're meant to leave and you won't see them again until they pick you up. For a nervous patient, this is terrifying. I understand why, but it's not good. I decided to bite the bullet and told my parents to go home, I didn't want them stuck there in those horrible seats as well, I didn't want them to go but it seemed right. So there I was, on my own and there seemed to be a girl near me who looked very unwell. It wasn't until hours later another nurse came by and said I was about to be taken. It seemed both me and the girl had been waiting for the first operation to finish, I was next and she was maybe last. However, the nurse took her aside and told her that there was another patient to go (me) and she became very upset and made a phone call. I don't know what happened to her in the end but for god's sake, surely people can communicate and work by some type of time frames to let patients know what's going on?! I felt so bad for her. I hope I was mistaken.
So, the nurse came to take me down corridors that didn't even have lights on and were empty. She asked me to get changed into the gown and took me further along into yet another waiting room. Cold and empty with no people about. All very sterile (I guess a hospital should be!). One half of the room for females, another side for males.
The team that put me to sleep were really kind and reassuring. Positive point. Next thing I remember is pain from the thing being yanked out of my neck (it really hurt!), then violent shaking and one of the nurses telling me to stop shaking.. I mean.. sure because I can really control that!
The nurse on the ward was very nice. I saw one girl had her boyfriend with her so I wondered why we were told no one was allowed in there with you. All I remember thinking was "I don't care how much it hurts, I'm going home asap!". So you need to eat and pee. Both done I was ready to get going. Luckily my parents called the ward at the right time, no one had called them after the operation at all to let them know things were ok. Parents arrived a little while later but were in the waiting room for ages as there's no one in the waiting area to actually let the nurses know they are there which is utterly ridiculous. Its a nice clean hospital but there are some serious communications issues that really add stress to all the visits I've made there relating to this issue.
Shipped home with no painkillers (all that was on offer was paracetamol).. what a joke! Not like any of my other operations. Certainly will be saving up for private treatment should the need arise in the future. Weird thing is, yes all operations are different, but this one couldn't have lasted more than an hour based on the time I went in and woke up. My previous one was 4-5 hours long and very thorough. Having such extensive stuff done in the past and them finding 'nothing' this time was very.. odd!
I saw no mention that the things (on my theatre letter) of the areas I'd asked to have checked, had been checked. I am yet to write to the consultant to see if he can clarify this problem before the next consultation.
So - not a fun experience at all on that front but we can 'assume' endo isn't the culprit for everything. No easy fix either way! It's well past 3am now and I need to get my head out of sad medical land and distract myself with happier stuff for a while. Will continue on tomorrow (I hope!)
Unless I get distracted for another year.
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